Monday, June 6, 2011

Getting Better

I feel much better since I shared our story on our blog.  I felt like I was keeping a secret from everyone when I was pregnant because I wanted to wait until I was past the normal miscarriage period until I told people. I was so excited to blurt it out the news to everyone once I found out what we were having. When we found out that we were losing our baby, I felt like I still had a secret to keep. This led to feelings of shame and even anger. 

I hope that people who read my blog don't feel sorry for me. Cimaron and I appreciate the concern of others and the love we have received, but I would rather have people feel inspired to share their story or at least feel like they have an option to talk about it. Miscarriages aren't something that we should feel ashamed of and if people don't want to read or listen, the don't have to.  Through opening up and talking about things, I have learned that people have had similar experiences.  Sometimes even worse. This doesn't make my pain go away, but it helps to know that others have experienced a similar loss and know how I feel.  It is inspiring to see that people move on with life and are given the opportunity to be parents afterward.

A couple of weeks ago, I don't think I would have been able to see all of the blessings in my life. I think that trials make us stronger and can help us see the greatness of the things we have.  We  have such a great family and circle of friends that have let us know that they care and comforted us with their words.  We received an answer as to why we lost our baby. I know this is very rare, and even though it was tragic, it is a blessing to know that it most likely won't happen again.  I have learned how strong I am physically and emotionally.  I have also realized how blessed I am to have a man like Cimaron for a husband.  I have been sick for the past few months, and now that I'm not physically sick anymore, I am on an emotional roller-coaster. He is patient and always understanding.

Most importantly, I have felt my Savior's love.  I know that he hears our prayers.  There have been times when I can't even think of words to explain how I felt as I knelt down to pray.  Sometimes all I can do is cry, but He even listens to that.  I know that no matter what we are going through in life, He is always there for us, even in our darkest hour.  I have found strength in making it through each day from Him. 


Anonymous said...

I feel like it's an amazing feeling when you finally get to the point where you can write about it- for me at least- and for you that's how it was. And it's crazy to think- I hope it doesn't happen again- but If it did for me I think I would be able to handle it a little bit differently. I would know that I could just talk about it and what not. Anyway.. I 'm so glad you guys are feeling better. It's an amaazing feeling to be getting better-- except for those random emotional roller coasters via hormones. Lame. But that goes away eventually too. Love you car! I'm so grateful that you and Cim are so strong, and that you guys are such amazing examples to us!

Kendra and Eric Lafferty said...

Thank you for sharing your story. It was beautiful to read about seeing him and naming him. My heart ached for you two when I heard the news but I am happy to hear about your faith and hope for the future. My prayers are still with you!

Morrison said...

You are so strong and such an inspiration to us. Thanks for sharing your story. I felt so bad for you guys but was worried to upset you by talking to you about it. You are seriously such an amazing person and I am so glad I get to call you guys my family. We love you guys and we should all get together sometime.

Alicia said...

Thank you so much for sharing this with me and all those that read your blog. It was a great reminder to me that He is there and that he does listen to our prays. Answers may not always come how and when we want them to, but they do come!

Sierra said...

You amaze me... this post is so touching and honest. It is surprising to me how often this happens. My sister was pregnant with twins and had the exact same thing happen. She was 17 weeks, and it was heartbreaking for our entire family. But I genuinely believe this only happens to the strongest of women. It doesn't make it easier, but the gospel brings such a comfort in our lives. I will be praying for you. Thank you for sharing your story... you inspire me :-)